Desi Men

Some consider a lot of the Desi population in the US to be Fresh of the Boat or more affectionately known as an FOB (kinda like SOB but, with a more racial innuendo as compared to a family-oriented one) which is some kind of slang for a person who is not totally familiar with the American way of life. By that equation, most people I know fall under that bracket.

Coming from a land of arranged marriages, picking up women at bars is not something that comes to us naturally! We expect that our parents would do the talking (read picking-up) for us and the next thing we know, we have picked up a woman, a bride, for life! The rest of this article is an attempt to try and classify the types of Desi men that you might come across in your daily (if you live in The Bay Area or New Jersey. For the rest of you, more like a weekly occurence) life!

Lets start with the Uber-suave know-it-all Desi Frat Boy Wannabe. This breed has swagger, money, intellect and all the right moves. All of this to make up for an exceedingly small penis size.

The next breed would be the Bumbling grinders. A member of this breed would usually stand in one corner and stare at Indian women at the club with a "I'm a hungry man and you are an Indian buffet" look. These guys will sneak up on their preys from behind and start the proverbial (uncomfortable) grind. Not to mention by the end of the night their either grinding with the fat chicks or leave early to go appease themselves.

The third would be the Lonesome too-classy-too-approach-anyone Drinker. These guys perhaps have everything but lack the confidence. So in order to make up for that fact, they will sit at the bar and pretend to be engaged deep in thought in the hope that some lady will fall for the Manoj Kumar (the Tragedy king of Indian Cinema) look.

Then there's the Insane Disco-Dancer. Straight out of a Bollywood movie and does the pelvic-thrusts and shoulder-shrugs. These guys are usually the carefree variety and are not afraid to make an ass of themselves (knowingly or unknowingly)!

And finally, I would enlist the Virgin Clubber as our final variety. Coming to America, living the dream, making money in USDs, there are a lot of people who would like to use that opportunity to check out what the great Western Civilization is all about. So, well, the Indian guy who is supremely uncomfortable, like someone just put a tadpole in his trousers which accidently made, ummm, a wrong turn is the guy I'm talking about.

Well, all I want to say to everyone is, have a good time, experience everything, but just don't expect to do it with the women I am with at the bar!!! Go do your time to land you one! Or, well, just arrange for a ... you guessed it - arranged marriage!!!